My mum would say takde rezeki and try harder next time and all this and it would have been true. But congrats to Nadia and KY and Pei Yuen.

Indie music is good fun I dunno why I tolerated R&B back in the R&B clubs.

So Germany looms in the near future (three weeks, two?) and PP3 degree exam awaits quietly patiently with an indecipherable smile like Mona Lisa sitting comfortably in the office of some exam department giggling to itself if it could and knowing what's in store for us while we don't, what grossly massive mistakes we might make and not even know of the point of the matter is that PP3 is so unpredictable you can only do so much for preparation the rest is up to how you do it and if you remember to do it while you're stuck 3hrs in the exam lab going over 5 prescriptions (and as Anne Boyter puts it, "You've gotten the chance to go through five prescriptions, YAY!"). Twas a big punch in the abdominal region to find out what I've worked so hard strenously 3hrs in the exam lab two days ago coming out feeling so spent like a serpent being snapped onto the wall while being held on by its tail repeatedly so much so I've had to come out feeling like the need to transform that spent feeling into monetary terms and fast forward to today and back to the point I was making, was a 15% mark and the only thing stopping me from an exemption was 7 bloody letters ("tablets"). So really it feels like shit walking out of Stenhouse 209 after going through my paper. And if this is any indication of how the degree exam is likely to turn out (as in missed the pass mark by 7 letters kind of thing) I somehow find it real to imagine myself in Ee Yan's position after enduring all the fuck from parents and the emotional being in me. Guess I'm not strong enough or I don't have the 'whatever' mentality that comes handy in situations which are beyond your control.

Seriously, you can be so meticulous or think you're being so meticulous but you come out of Stenhouse 209 realising that whether you were being meticulous or not doesn't matter squat in times like these because there's always something somewhere you forgot to remember to do or didn't even know you didn't do like the silly mistakes and omg don't lemme get started on the SILLY MISTAKES.

If you can't already tell, I'm quietly seething inside blood broiling at the helplessness of it all and the ten odd days of waiting for the next chance so I can go through five prescriptions in three fucking long hours so I can come out spent and the whole cycle can repeat itself. Hopefully it'll end good. Only Allah can say.

Walked out to George Sq (funny how Sq immediately registers as Square) hoping the fresh air and the solo-ness of it would help die down the anger in me which was comparable to a lake of hot lava calm muted and not quite about to erupt YET and I sat on a bench in the cold wind because that's all Glasgow wanted to offer me this day on that bench in George Square - cold wind and shivering limbs as I pulled out the Pig Island book (plot about some fishy guy and Satanic rituals) and proceeded to read while keeping an eye out for interesting people walking past but not many people were walking past maybe cause it was cold or they were working in their workplaces. So anyway, odd man sat on the bench same as mine mumbled things to himself and went on to lying legs spread out onto the bench to sleep. I felt insecure so I changed seat and two hours later the sun rose but lo and behold, some places didn't get the sunshiney sun that would so happily have made my day (to be baked in the sun) and one of those places, yesh, you guessed it, was the new bench I sat my butt at. But I thought it lazy to move so I endured the freezing cold wind in my shady little spot which in some cruel way encompassed only my bench and nothing else. Sigh. I made do with little spillings of sun onto my left arm then got up to leave when the clouds took it away.

I reckoned from the way people in business suits taken off walking with their suitcases cellphone in their hand attached to the side of their head, that it was almost 5pm anyway when the offices close and people walk back. Kinda like rush hour in KL except the people walk home. Stopped by Co-op in case there were cheap fruits. Didn't see any and was about to turn round and walk out when the glimpse of a red sticker '99p' stuck out from one of the plastic packagings. Yay. Too bad the cute rugged Co-op guy wasn't the one accepting my payment. But ya can't have everything. So maybe the only rezeki I had today was cheap strawberries. And they taste and look pretty darn fresh too I wonder why they reduced the price but that's for Allah to know. Sometimes, it's nice when some things tell you that not all is unfair and that you really gotta lower your expectations if you wanna live happy in this world. I stick like Elephant glue onto that life philosophy. Yea, comedies might make fun of lowering standards to be happier but it holds true.

Feet blistered and calves still aching like mad from the night before. I can't even walk properly now. A slight limp. And if you read this far without skipping, I thank you. It's like free therapy spewing out the botherments and it feels like new. Like a-painting (plastic flow) hot lava onto the computer screen and feeling better about it after that. So thank you. I hope you have a nice weekend.

PS: I do not want to see my FMT results.