"like dangling me from a thin rope into the middle of the deepest blackest strangest ocean you can imagine and my hands slipping down inch by inch, nothing i can do about it, legs a-kicking, swinging, heart beating rapidly from imminent danger, noone, nothing, no help around me.
just me. the rope. the ocean. miles of emptiness, suffocation, black beneath me.
just one rope."
one year later, i read that statement again and am not very surprised to realise that i'm already in that sea of black. sunken in so deeply i know not how to come up. how to push against and reject all that is ugly around me. i think some months ago without even realising it, i must have slipped and fallen and now i've lost sight of the brightness, the sky, not even the one dangling rope anymore.
do i feel afraid of this realisation? maybe i should but i feel something worse. i feel there's nothing i can do or rather i won't do anything about it. like i'm suspended in the depths of that ocean, inanimated-like.
but you know an even scarier realisation is that if i stay too long in the depths of whatever this is, that maybe, one day, i won't be.
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